The Bae System and My Gay Ass
As a kid, my father would occasionally drive me to school in the morning and, at the time, his favorite new song on the radio was “Area Codes” by Ludacris.
♪♪I’ve got hoes, I’ve got hoes//In different area codes (Area), area codes (Codes)//Hoes!!♪♪
My dad and I would sing the song together, and I imagined that one day, I too would have hoes in different area codes, and thus the foundation of the Bae System was born. Basically the Bae System is a system where in each new place I travel, I get a different “bae” for my time there. This way, I would always have a friend from the city I was in, a free tour guide, a local set of eyes, and gentlemanly company all rolled into one. Through careful vetting on various apps, I narrow down my search for said Bae and we meet up! Easy as pie. Through the magic of the Bae System I’ve seen hidden gems in Tokyo, secret bars in Hanoi, Phnom Penh on motorbike, and so much more! But this isn’t just a one way street, oh no! Each and every Bae the gets bragging rights of being with a mystical magical Black American, just like off TV! It’s truly a dream come true for all parties involved.
Jokes aside, one of the best parts about being gay is that no matter where you go in the world, you can always find members of your tribe. Whether the city is as LGBT friendly as Bangkok or as homophobic as Nairobi, you know that there is a sizeable community of people that have faced similar obstacles as you, and to some extent, will care about your livelihood once they know you are a part of their struggle. When I got to Tokyo’s “Ni-chōme” district, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Like everything in Japan, the district was very clean, very organized, with very little English. I walked into one of the many boutique bars to see a group of large bearish Japanese guys staring at me. “You gay?” one guy asked in very broken English. I nodded my head yes, and I was in! Folks asked me where I was from and when I said “the U.S.” all eyes got big and then came the flurry of questions. Apparently RuPaul is big there too. Drinks and food later, folks told me where to go and what to do, and I left the bar feeling surprisingly at home. One of the perks of being a gay world traveler, I suppose.
You can repeat this story a million times over to the same effect. I walk into some random LGBT establishment, open my mouth, and people are psyched to see a gay, Black American. Tokyo, Vietnam, Cambodia, South Africa - all the same thing. It’s funny, I found myself getting a bit annoyed while spending New Year’s Eve in Bangkok’s gay district because it felt like such an imitation of the U.S. Thai boys were trying to vogue, gay Chinese tourists were doing their best to twerk, and Beyonce was everywhere. I was annoyed because I wanted to see how Thai gays celebrated the New Year, but instead, what I saw was Asian folks trying their hardest to be American, or at least what I took to be trying to be American. Later on, I humbled myself and joined in because why not? Imitation is the highest form of flattery, is it not?
Walking around Asia, hand in hand, with a local guy was an amazing feeling because it never felt unsafe. Naturally people stared, but I never feared for my physical safety. It was a terrible feeling to realize that I was safer as an openly gay foreigner in Asia than I am as a gay man in America - particularly because American LGBT culture is so abundant in LGBT spaces worldwide. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles, unfortunately.
It’s strange, growing up, I would have never imagined that being gay would act to my benefit in any aspect in life, yet here I am, happier than ever because of the opportunities being gay has given me. There is so much of the world that has been opened up for me due to my sexuality, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
Being gay in the world is still seen negatively, there’s no escaping that, but the community that comes with that negativity is worth it in my opinion. Plus each new Bae gives me an opportunity to explore different aspects of myself, and have an easy yet intimate (not just sexual) connection with people from all over the world. With my peers from all over the world. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
